Letter to me at sixteen

Dear Dinidu,

I’m you from the future. I don’t know how this gets to you, but here are some things that you should and shouldn’t do within the next nine years.

• Drink more water. Your kidneys are fucked up by the time you reach 22.
• Don’t start smoking. You’ll get hooked on it to a scary extent.
• Don’t lift that tent at Sarvodaya. Your disk will pop out, and you’ll start taking high doses of Tramadol like they were M&Ms to try and cope with the pain. When you finally realise that it’s not helping, you’ll go through months of painful withdrawal.
• Don’t go riding when you get your O/L results. Dinush and you are going to crash into a pig, and it’s going to hurt like hell.
• You’ll meet three friends within the next couple of years. They will be your saviours, and they’ll love you no matter what. You will lose one, but you’ll crawl out of it.
• Don’t be abusive to Dilina. He loves you. (Or so the bastard says)
• You have a great ego. Keep it up. Don’t ever bow down to others. You will create your own life philosophy which goes “If you are my friend, I will do anything for you. If you try to fuck me, I’ll fuck you back.” You’ll stick to both, perfectly. Some won’t understand you, but they eventually will. If they don’t, fuck them.
• You’ll finally meet two people that deserved to be called “Sir“. Brad and Prof. They will be like fathers to you.
• Love Anarkali. She’s the best boss you’ll ever get. Everyone else would be nothing in front of her.
• Love Vraie. She’ll be like a mother to you.
• Your parents are better than you think they are. Try and have a good relationship. When you are 24, you will.
• Eat the cookie dough that Fluffy make the day you go over. You’ll love it. Stop just before you think you’re going to puke. But till then, eat. She’s awesome, and so is the cookie dough she makes. That day would be a turning point in your life. V and her will pick you up, that you’ll drop the anti depressants the next week.
• Keep eating fibres. They will help with your constipation which pops up.
• You’ll get a funky omelette when you go to Senegal. Eat it as much as you can. You’ll see heaven.
• Don’t leave the Sunday Times and join the Daily Mirror. That would be the biggest professional mistake in your life. Tashi is right, listen to her when she says “Who is Easy when compared to Anthony?“. Anthony and Asantha are the best editors you’re going to get.
• There is no god. By now, you would have gotten fed up with the hypocrisy of religous institutions, and soon you will realise that there is not invisible man upstairs who has a plan for all of us, just like there is no Santa Claus, or Easter Bunny, or a good politician. At least space ships have been spotted once in a while.
• Most importantly, and please try and do this: don’t fall in love with that bitch. She’ll fuck you up. Twice. She will use you for her ego pumping tactics and she will bring out the worst in you. People around you, and even you would be surprised how she can make a monster out of you. You will be rendered into a terrifying monster, you’ll get destructive, you’ll get abusive, you’ll fall down in your work, and you’ll become shit. And then, you’ll rise up again. Try and avoid seeing her, cos you might just choke her to death. We don’t want that, now do we? That’ll fuck up the political ambitions.
• Try and give Maxi a bath at least once a week. She stinks.

Love, D

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